Snot so Pretty Popcorn Balls

20140409-154124.jpgI don’t know why, but I thought it would be fun.
I volunteered to make poppy-cock for my sister-in-laws wedding shower. Then I had a brilliant idea that I would use Lime jello to flavor and color the popcorn green which is her wedding theme color. And form them into, oh say, 100 balls.
I pictured Sammy (age 1) napping and Elise (3) and I laughing in the kitchen as we formed cute little popcorn balls. Then arriving at the party and everyone oohing and ahhing and saying how clever I was, and I’d say something sweet like, “Elise helped me”.
And so begins my tale.
I needed something that would hold mass amounts popcorn and could go in the oven, so I get out the kids stepping stool and get down my canner. The popcorn maker doesn’t really fit over the edge, so I just tip it back a little. Elise wants a job so I let her watch it for me while I check the recipe on the computer.
“Mommy! It’s coming too fast! There’s too much for me to catch!” I run over as the popcorn maker, sitting flat on the counter about an inch from the pot, is dumping into little hands and onto the counter top. I’m trying to grab popcorn maker and put it over the bowl but the lid tips off and the popcorn starts shooting into the air.
I hear Sammy crying. So much for a nap.
I shove what I can in the pot, crunch across the floor and put it all in the oven to stay hot.
I lean over the syrup jello mixture in the pot. It isn’t looking very green- it has a bit too much yellow from the corn syrup. I root around in the cupboard and only find blue food coloring.
Blue and yellow make green right?
Sorta like the infected color snot gets when you get a bad cold.
At this point I have to get Sammy up. He’s past calling. I place him on a chair with a snack.
I don’t have much time.
I’m pouring the hot syrup onto the hot popcorn when I realize that I forgot Step 2; shake the popcorn in a bag to get all the kernels to the bottom. Crap. This is gonna be SO crunchy.
I oil my hands and Elise’s and we start to make balls. It’s WAY trickier than I imagined. The stuff just wants to stick to you, and Elise just wants to lick whats stuck to her.
Then Elise starts screaming because Sammy’s climbed up on her stool and is trying to get at the “balls” (is even one round?). I get Sammy down and he’s wailing and trying to climb back up making Elise freak.
I make a deal with Elise.
Put the stool away and I’ll give you the syrup spatula.
It works and I hand Sammy another one.
My kitchen is going to be SO sticky.
Turning back to the popcorn snot I realize times running out it’s started to harden! I try to cram some more balls together but I have to press so hard I’m crushing the popped corn into tinny pieces. Their like some kind of birds nest now, with hard yellow kernels, some fluffy pieces, and the rest mashed and mudded together with green goo.
I made 59 before I couldn’t bare it any longer.
If only these were for a Monster Birthday party- not a bridal shower.
My life is now fluffy and sticky. Socks and pants tracked that stuff everywhere.
I want to be able to say “Well at least it was made with love”.
But the popcorn balls were NOT.
At least not by the forming of balls stage. Perhaps that’s why they look the way the do…
I do, however, love my sister, and I know that she will love them. She will love them MORE because their hideous. Because she loves a good laugh. And because she was raised in a family of 9 kids and is
Besides, if I throw them in a classy bowl who’s to say they don’t look like popcorn balls?
Except… why do they make my teeth want to die?! Did they actually expect me to be around to make sure the pot of syrup was pulled off the heat at a precise time??

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