Why? Oh Why!?

Sometimes I get really selfish. It creeps up on me, slowly entangles me, pumps through my blood and consumes me.
EVERYTHING my children do irks me. And everything I do fills me with dissatisfaction.
It’s especially bad when I’m hormonal or sick.
Today… I may be both.
I felt like I was chewing on the insides of my mouth all day, or reacting and snapping. Snapin and reactin.
Why does my kid keep coughing?! Stop running around and rest!
Why do you keep tripping?! Stop hurting yourself!
DO NOT WHINE AT ME! Be silently sick.
Sweet Mercy why does it take us half-an-hour to get dressed for a breath of fresh air! We missed the sun…. Great.
Stop peeing your pants!
Why are you following me around?
I ran over you with the buggy cause your walking too close.
Winter gloves keep your hands warm when they are dry. Scoop an icicle out of the lake again and were leaving.
Don’t stand in the lake!
I’m making lunch… Out!
Why is everybody CRYING!??

Today I just couldn’t shake it. My go to- Thanking God for things- was even stained with my selfishness.
Thank you for that tinny minuet they weren’t fighting.
Thank you we made it home, and I didn’t choose to leave a kid behind.
Thank you for nap time…

My sarcastic inner voice itched all day long. Before the monster could scratch out at my husband too, I cleared the table put 2 of the kids to bed, and slipped out of the house for a walk with some praise music.
The words sliced away the vines of entrapment.
It’s all about Jesus. His Glory and His love. I will follow him. He will lead and strengthen me. Show me my way. Forgive, make new, and cover me. He’s alive breathing in me. He is peace. He fulfills. His love is enough.
My spirit pulled free and soared to the music. Tears washed my face and smeared my crust.
I’m so sorry! Forgive my hard heart! Thank you for my beautiful blessings. Tomorrow I will put you first Lord, and I will follow. I will find my peace in your foot steps.
I will praise you.

And We will win tomorrow.

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